Interstellar Adventures

May 4, 2005

You were stupid not to see it coming

Filed under: Uncategorized — by InterstellarLass @ 8:31 pm

The gloves are off. I tried to be nice. I haven’t said a bad word about him. But now, after tonight, I can’t hold back. Yes, the above is a direct quote from him spoken this evening. “You were stupid not to see it coming.” Bam. There it is. Yes, this is the winner that I’ve been married to for 7 years, together for 11, and had 2 kids with. And, just another hint at what a stand-up guy he is, he moved out while I was at work, after what now is evident as a ‘good-bye screw’ the night before. He SOOOO does not deserve me! I am so much better than that. After the initial shock, I realize I am better off without him. I am happier, more relaxed, more confident, and taking better care of myself and my kids. I don’t need him around with his self-centered concerns. Good-bye to you.

Realization

Filed under: Uncategorized — by InterstellarLass @ 9:58 am

Sometimes there’s something sitting right in front of you, but you can’t see it. “Plain as the nose on your face” some might say. But, you’re not looking for it. Then, suddenly, it hits you smack in the face.

Yesterday, I ‘saw’ my littlest sister for the first time. I have two sisters and a brother (I’m the eldest). My sister M is 27, my brother J is 24, and my sister B is 19. We’re all very different, yet very alike. Yet, due to circumstances of childhood and time, we’re not as close as we could be. Especially my youngest sister and I. Nearly 11 years difference in our age makes us a different ‘generation’. And, while I adored her when she was a baby, by the time she was a toddler, I was a teen and interested in other things. Then, I became and adult and had no use for a tween/teen, other than a baby-sitter of course.

We are all intelligent, but B has something special. She’s an old soul I think. She has a creativity that I could only dream of. She also got the height I desired, which is somewhat of a sore spot for me. OK, I’m tall (5’8″), but she got that extra inch and half or so that I yearned for. She has beautiful brown eyes and long, thick brown hair. She is so good at math and science and art, but English (my forte) is a pain for her.

Yet yesterday, I stumbled upon her blog, and I was amazed. “I can’t write. I hate writing.” she says. Ok, she can’t spell, but she can write. But that wasn’t what hit me square in the face. What hit me was the fact that I don’t know my sister. There were emotions and ideas that I never imagined that she had. Her spirit shone through. Maybe it’s only apparent to me because she’s my sister and I could ‘read’ into some of the postings. I’ve always looked at her as a little girl, but she has become a young woman. One that I want to know better.

So I called her last night, and with tears in my eyes, I told her how much I loved her, how proud I was of her, how sorry I was that I’ve only ever viewed her as a little kid, how sad I was that I had never taken the time to ask her how she was doing and really listened to her.

The world is superficial, but that’s not how we’re supposed to be with our loved ones, yet that is what I had done to her. I could use so many excuses…wrapped up in life, job, kids, etc. I won’t kick myself for my past actions, but I will so look forward to getting to know my sister, hang out with her, treat her as a friend, learn from her, and love her.

I love you B.

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