Interstellar Adventures

May 26, 2005

So this is what it’s like to be relaxed…

Filed under: Uncategorized — by InterstellarLass @ 9:48 am

I don’t remember when or why it happened. I don’t think I was always this way. But, at some point in time I turned into a giant stress-ball. The littlest thing could set me off in tears or anger and would ruin my entire day. How did I get to that point? D always thought of me as a control-freak, and I guess I would stress out over things that I couldn’t control. I think part of that tendency was out of a desire for order in my life that wasn’t there, and the other part was out of necessity, because D was so out of control for the longest time.

But now, like I said last week, I’m smiling. Even though I can’t control certain things about this situation I’m in, I can control how I react to it and how I proceed with my life. I’m more relaxed. I’m enjoying myself. I’m able to think about what I want to do and not worry if someone else is going to approve. I don’t need anyone else’s approval!

Even though I’m angry, I am able to look at where I am now and wonder if it’s not for the best. For both of us. I was absolutely denying myself the care and attention I deserve, and at some level I knew it. But was I too afraid to take the step that he did? I don’t like the way he did it for sure, but maybe, after it’s all said and done, I owe him a genuine ‘thank-you’.

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