Interstellar Adventures

June 24, 2005

You might be hardcore if…

Filed under: Funnies — by InterstellarLass @ 10:35 am

OK, well I’m not this ‘hardcore’, but some of the folks in AT are. Stole this from the forum. Thanks Donutman! Made me laugh heartily though.

Update
Donutman found a more accurate description of me…

Triathlete Personal Ad Translation Guide

1.”I am an outdoors type of person.”
I train in any type of weather even if it’s raining, snowing, 90 degrees w/100% humidity, or winds gusting at 30 mph. I don’t want to hear any complaints cause I will still train in it and you’re just a big wuss for complaining about it.

2.”I enjoy riding my bike.”
With or without aero bars, alone or in a peloton, I don’t care. If you can’t do a spur of the moment 30 miler then you’re not my type. I will let you draft, but if you can’t hang and get dropped, I will see ya later. I am a capable mechanic, but don’t expect me to change your flats or tune your bike. You need to learn that on your own.

3.”I enjoy jogging.”
Let’s run hills until we puke. I have just as many shoes as you only mine are better because they are functional and all look the same.

4.”I enjoy dining out.”
I enjoy eating out, in or anywhere else I can find food. Don’t be shy because with the amount of food I eat, you can have that main entree instead of a salad and you will still look as though you eat like a rabbit in comparison. Don’t get your limbs too close though, as I may take a bite out of ya. Most importantly don’t expect any taste off my plate unless you can bring something to the party… like more food. Eventually though if you’re not burning 4000+ calories a day, you’re going to plump up and have a terrible complex due to watching me eat deserts and not gain any weight. Friends and family will eventually decide not to dine with us anymore due to my horrid table manners. Ohh, and don’t ask me any questions during breakfast, mid morning lunch, lunch, afternoon lunch, dinner or recovery dinner as it does not lend to efficient food intake.

5.”I enjoy quiet walks on the beach.”
Walks on the beach warming up into an 8-mile run and then plunging myself in the ocean for a 2 miler. If you get in my way you’re going to find out what “mass start” is and let me assure you that you don’t want to find out.

6.”I find fulfillment in charitable work.”
If I am not racing, I am volunteering and I expect you to be there along side me as I stand out in 90-degree weather for 8 hours handing out sports drink to cyclist going 20 mph. Just stick the ol’ arm out there and hope it doesn’t get taken off.

7.”I enjoy sharing quiet moments together.”
It’s taper time. Just back off ‘cause I am strategizing. Or I’m in a pissy mood cause I am worried about my “A” race and can’t workout.

8.”I am an active person.”
Aside from my 40-hour job, and the 8 mandatory hours of sleep per night, 10 hours/week are devoted to myself during the off-season and 20 hours during race season. That leaves us 4 hours – 2 of which are spent inhaling food and you not talking to me, so let’s make the best of the 2 hours we will spend together on average each day. If you are a licensed message therapist or doctor this would make the most optimal use of our time together. Nutritionist is also acceptable but I probably already know just as much as you.

9.”I enjoy road trips and leisurely drives.”
You have your choice of Wisconsin, Idaho, Florida, California, Arizona, and New York*, but don’t expect to do much site seeing. If I get enough support from you, we might be able to include Hawaii in there.
(*Locations of Ironman triathlon.)

10.”I enjoy site seeing.”
Lets grab a mountain bike and get our HRs up to 90%. There’s plenty of time to look around on the descent as trees and bushes whiz by you at 40 mph.

11.”I like stimulating conversation.”
While we are running, we can talk about food. Then we can talk about how we decided what to wear on this run based on the temperature at start time vs. the temperature at the time we expect to finish, how horribly out of shape we are, how many miles we did last week, and how many we will do this week and next week. Then we can talk about food.

12.”I enjoy relaxing soaks in the tub.”
I’m going to stop on the way home and buy two bags of ice, throw them in the tub with some cold water and sit in this torture chamber for 30 minutes.

13.”I’m interested in photography”
My camera is permanently perched a tripod in front of my trainer. I obsess over taking photos of my bike position and analyzing them to get the perfect setup.

14.”I’m into in technology”
My HRM, bike computer and Garmin Forerunner are my best friends. Until you can give me some hard data that can improve my training, don’t bother trying to buddy up to me. You could one day break into the top three if I find you as entertaining on long runs and rides as my MP3 player.

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7 Comments »

  1. haha. I have a feeling that this isn’t all in jest. I know a few “hardcores”!

    Comment by abbynormal — June 24, 2005 @ 10:51 am |Reply

  2. I’m not nearly this hardcore, not even half way … but hubby, well he’s a little over half way.

    Comment by Indigo — June 24, 2005 @ 12:26 pm |Reply

  3. I haven’t taken an ice bath yet, but I’m sure that I’ll get to that point eventually. Brrrr…

    Comment by InterstellarLass — June 24, 2005 @ 1:50 pm |Reply

  4. I need just a wee bit of hard core. I’d be happy with that. In the meantime, I’ll just admire you!

    Comment by Raehan — June 24, 2005 @ 2:00 pm |Reply

  5. Hooo lawd. I’m thinkin’ y’all live in a whole ‘nother world than me.

    Comment by poopie — June 24, 2005 @ 3:42 pm |Reply

  6. #11 for me!

    Comment by Bumbling Bav — June 24, 2005 @ 4:52 pm |Reply

  7. Glad you liked the list -;)
    I’ve done the ice bath dipping before, esp. after a long ride in summer. And I certainly eat multiple meals each day 🙂

    -donutman

    Comment by donutman — June 25, 2005 @ 4:07 pm |Reply


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