Interstellar Adventures

October 8, 2005

Quiet Morning

Filed under: Uncategorized — by InterstellarLass @ 9:04 am

It seems to have been a while now since I’ve had a quiet morning. I’m sitting, sipping my coffee, browsing blogs, listening to the dishwasher do its duty. The dogs are curled up on the kitchen floor, having munched down on their rawhides. Doesn’t take long for Wrigley to devour hers, and so of course Tori hurries her chew as well. Doesn’t want it to be stolen. Occassionally I have to admonish Wrigley when I hear Tori defending her territory. Wrigley’s still a puppy. I’m still teaching her to share.

I’ve taken out the recycling and the garbage so far this morning. There’s more to sort through of course. The “To Do” list never gets any shorter, does it?

I took my knitting project down to the yarn store last night. This is the first project I’ve done where I actually switch the yarn colors. I didn’t think I was doing it right because my edges looked a little loose around the area where the colors joined. My suspicions were right. I was doing it wrong. So I sat down at the communal knititng table and got in about 30 minutes of assistance before the shop closed down.

The kids and I enjoyed a quick dinner at Chipotle. Then we talked a little bit about her. I asked if they liked her, if she was nice, if they were happy for their dad. They said they were. It hurt a little, but I think I hid it pretty well from them. Zed did make me laugh at one point though. “She’s nice. But it’s like she’s almost too nice. You know, like a crazy person.” Figures. It’s not that I don’t want them to like her, just not too much. It’s my own insecurity playing me. I don’t want her to be better than me. I know that no one could ever replace me in their eyes. But the thought of being compared makes me sad. I don’t want anyone else kissing my kids on the head, hugging them, loving them in the way I do. Tucking them in at night and wishing them sweet dreams. The thought that one day they might want to share something with her and not me, that they would have a secret from me, just kills me. Petty jealousy I know. One of my many flaws. It’s not a competition. But I can’t help but feel that at times.

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