Interstellar Adventures

March 28, 2006

I’ll need to transfer you…

Filed under: Uncategorized — by InterstellarLass @ 2:12 pm

Act I
Time: Last night
Location: MegaPhoneCompany store

Yes, I’ve ordered phone service online and I got this email saying you needed to confirm my identity.
Hands over drivers license and credit card. Clerk looks up something on the computer and fills out a slip of paper with a phone number and a confirmation code.
Call this number and give them this confirmation code. They’ll give you a date when your service will be turned on. You’ll probably have to call tomorrow because they’re probably closed by now.
Thank you.


Act II
Time: About 10:30 am
Location: Office desk

MegaPhoneCompany, Operator 1 speaking, how may I help you?
Yes, I have ordered phone service and I have a confirmation code I need to provide so I can get a date when my service will be connected.
OK, what is that order number? It should start with an I.
I don’t have an order number that starts with an I. I have a tracking number and the phone number. I ordered the service online.
Oh, well then what’s the phone number then?
Thank you ma’am. What’s that confirmation code? It should start with a P.
Um, it starts with an F. FX12345Y
Oh, they just left the P off, that’s correct. OK. I see that you’re in an area where your provided with MegaPhoneCompany’s fiber-optic service. I’m going to have to transfer you to a fiber specialist. Hold please.

Music plays in the background for around 5 minutes…

Hello, this is Operator 2. How may I help you?
Yes, I’ve ordered service and I’m trying to get a date for when that will be turned on. I gave my confirmation number to the girl before and she said I had to talk to a fiber specialist.
Typing in the background.
Um, yes ma’am. What’s your account number?
I don’t have an account number. I have a tracking number and the phone number. I’m getting new service.
Oh, yes ma’am. Let me verify that number.
Yes ma’am. I do show an order for you. I’m going to need to transfer you to the orders department.

Music plays in the background for awhile longer.

Hello, this is Operator 3. May I have permission to access your account?
How may I help you today?
I’ve ordered phone service and I need to get a date when my phone is going to be turned on.
Yes please. What is your order number?
I don’t have an order number. I have a tracking number and the phone number. I ordered the service online.
Oh, well what is that phone number?
OK, yes ma’am. I see that your credit was approved and that your order has been cleared for activation. Let me transfer you to the orders department.

Nearly falls out of chair thinking “I thought that’s who you were!
Music plays a while longer…
Uh, yes ma’am. How can I help you today?
I need to get a date for when my service will be turned on.
Can I get your account number please?
No, this is for new service
Oh, well what’s your order number please?
I.Don’t.Have.An.Order.Number. I have a phone number and I need to confirm when it will be turned on.

5 minutes later

April 11 is the first available date the system is giving me.
Um, that’s not going to work for me. Isn’t there something sooner?
Well, let’s see. Hmmm. OK, the system is giving me tomorrow at the earliest.
That’s much better, thank you.
OK, while we’re waiting for your order to clear, can I ask what you’re using for your internet service.
I’m not interested in switching my internet service. I just want my phone turned on.

5 minutes later after all the phone service features have been explained and new ones offered and free ones included.

OK, your service is scheduled for intstallation tomorrow.
Does anyone have to be present for the install?
No ma’am, it’s a service center activation so no one has to be present.
OK, thank you.
Thank you ma’am. Have a nice day.


I just hope I can get a dial tone!


  1. Verizon blows.

    Comment by An Observer — March 28, 2006 @ 2:43 pm |Reply

  2. Um… Can you hear me now?

    Good. Now Eat $(!*$&(@&# and Die!

    Comment by SurrenderDorothy — March 28, 2006 @ 3:26 pm |Reply

  3. That reminds me of trying to fix a tax problem, but it took me 3 days to get to everyone I needed to talk to.

    Comment by Coyote Mike — March 28, 2006 @ 3:44 pm |Reply

  4. You poor thing! Why can we put a man on the moon, but not figure out how to run a help desk that actually WORKS?

    Comment by Jen — March 28, 2006 @ 4:08 pm |Reply

  5. oh that sucks, sorry.

    Comment by Brittany — March 28, 2006 @ 4:48 pm |Reply

  6. Isn’t technology great?? Everything at the touch of a button! Or two or three or…..

    Comment by abbynormal — March 28, 2006 @ 5:18 pm |Reply

  7. I have to wonder why if it’s just turned on at their end, why the first earliest date they could give you was April 11th???

    service…my foot!

    Comment by Renee — March 28, 2006 @ 11:18 pm |Reply

  8. Technology is a wonderful thing. NOT!
    I sympathize with you on this one, Lass. God knows, we’ve all been there.
    Gone are the days when speaking to a human was the norm. Beware the rise of the machines…


    Comment by michaelm — March 29, 2006 @ 5:38 am |Reply

  9. Oh dear, it sounds like you were in Hell for a minute there! I hope you get service!!!

    Comment by Indigo — March 29, 2006 @ 9:46 am |Reply

  10. Oh fun!! I love those “I’m just going to make a quick call” scenarios that turn in to a full day ordeal.

    Comment by Carnealian — March 29, 2006 @ 9:50 am |Reply

  11. Ugh! What kind of service it that? How annoying.

    Comment by Jolynn — March 29, 2006 @ 10:19 am |Reply

  12. “April 11th?”

    “Well what do I use in the meantime?”

    “Smoke signals?”

    Comment by SurrenderDorothy — March 30, 2006 @ 10:22 am |Reply

  13. Wow! Reminds me of when I got my phone line. Customer service isn’t excatly their specialty is it?

    Comment by Froggie — March 30, 2006 @ 1:01 pm |Reply

  14. Did they get you connected on time?

    Comment by Texas_Ivy10 — March 30, 2006 @ 1:47 pm |Reply

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