Interstellar Adventures

January 31, 2007

Just for Fun

Filed under: Elle & Zed,Funnies — by InterstellarLass @ 10:16 am

Yesterday Zed called me at work because he needed 2 things: Paint and reeds. Paint for a science project he was finishing, and reeds for his clarient. Then I asked him if he needed anything else. His reply? Just a hug from my mommy. All together now: AWWWWWW!

I usually roll my eyes at email forwards and links sent to me. But yesterday I laughed my butt off at this video. And then, there’s this poor guy. He just can’t catch a break.

And, my apologies in advance to Mexicans, Yankees, vaccums, Harley riders, divorcees, the Pillsbury Dough Boy, men, blondes, attorneys, women, dogs, bunnies, porcupines, Rednecks, Rabbis, the Chinese, people from Arkansas, Italians, the Irish, and sweet little old ladies. But I laughed.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don’t bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What’s the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
“Are you sure it’s mine?”

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Arkansas ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying “Yo.”

Why do drivers’ education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They’re hiring.

What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with…a recipe.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one’s tall enough to go on the good rides.

AND….LAST BUT NOT LEAST

What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…”

A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit…”

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7 Comments »

  1. I’m totally using that Pillsbury Dough Boy one today..

    Comment by creative-type dad — January 31, 2007 @ 11:57 am |Reply

  2. Awwwwww for yer brat.

    I think those jokes have finally turned you into the evil being we all knew was lurking beneath the surface. Welcome to the dark side.

    Comment by coyotemike — January 31, 2007 @ 12:02 pm |Reply

  3. That’s totally awwwwwwwwwww.

    Comment by Raehan — January 31, 2007 @ 2:53 pm |Reply

  4. That is so cute that Zed still needs his mum!! The nail girl…hi-ar-i-ous!! I haven’t had my nails done in a long time, but it’s so stinkin true.

    And the fishin’ guy…he should maybe consider another sport. That’s kinda like fishin with me!!

    Comment by carnealian — January 31, 2007 @ 2:56 pm |Reply

  5. That’s totally sweet of Zed to add the hug from you. I agree, AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

    Comment by Indigo — January 31, 2007 @ 4:09 pm |Reply

  6. aww, dont you just love it when they just sneak those in!

    Comment by Karamia — January 31, 2007 @ 10:37 pm |Reply

  7. awww… that adorable!

    Comment by Froggie — February 3, 2007 @ 11:28 am |Reply


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