Interstellar Adventures

February 20, 2007

Love is a Coupon

Filed under: Funnies,It's Me, Lass — by InterstellarLass @ 6:38 pm

Dear InterstellarLass,

Thank you! Many people shop with us, but few are as loyal to you. We also know that you’ve secretly been considering a loyalty shift to Tom Thumb, as they offer airline miles for every dollar spent. And they have a fuel center at their store, so you can get airline miles AND 10 cents off every gallon after spending $100 in groceries. To bribe you into shopping with us show our appreciation, we’ve teamed up with some of your favorite brands to bring you extra BEST-CUSTOMER-ONLY savings on products you can use.

Blah Blah Blah.

President of the Kroger Southwest

Enclosed with the lovely letter above were indeed several coupons that made my heart skip with glee. $2.00 off $10.00 spent in the Meat Department! $3.00 off $15.00 spent in the Produce Department! $6.00 off $60.00 when you spend in one transaction*. Those were the biggies. There were also $9.10 in other coupons for products that I do buy. My heart sped up, my eyes brightened. I was jonesing for the flourescent lights and piped-in music. It’s not enough that I spent $101.15 Sunday night (and saved $22.55 – or 18% of my grocery bill – in Coupon, Bonus Coupon and Kroger Plus Savings).

No, they want more. And the clencher? They happen to be adding a Fuel Center at my very own Signature Kroger! Joy! Rapture! Glee! No more carefully calculated trips to my nearest Fuel Center (one block over and 8 lights up) that’s just slightly out of my way from my normal daily activities.

Boy, I sure do go cheap, don’t I. Throw me a convenient 10 cents off per gallon of gas and $18.10 in coupons, and I’m yours. You sure know me Kroger. I knew our love was strong.  

*Total excludes Alcohol, Tobacco Products, Fuel, Gift Cards, Taxes, Prescriptions, and Customer Care Center Services.

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