Interstellar Adventures

October 8, 2007

Just Annoying

Filed under: Elle & Zed,The Ex Files — by InterstellarLass @ 9:52 am

My Ex is pushing all my buttons lately. I don’t know if it’s on purpose or if it’s just his typical narcissistic, irritating attitude that’s getting my goat. And besides politely biting his head off requesting that he change said behaviors, there’s not a lot I can do. Besides run him over with the car.

A couple of weeks ago, he couldn’t be bothered to help Elle with her homework because he was busy with the crossword. Elle told me this after I was checking her homework on Thursday night, and there were no parent corrections to her Wednesday night worksheet. Bite tongue. Nothing like an apathetic parent to help a child already struggling in school.

Last week she informed me that she wasn’t to pack clothes from home, but rather wear ‘cute outfits’ to school provided by her dad. That I then have to wash for her because now the clothes are at my house. She was informed by her father and his child bride fiancee that she dressed in ‘rags’ and that she looked horrible. A) She cries when forced to wear anything she deems ‘uncomfortable’. B) She’s a jeans and t-shirt kind of kid. C) She is tough on most of her clothes through rough play or messy eating. D) She’ll grow out of this when she’s ready, so don’t force her to dress a certain way other than fully clothed. E) She bathes nightly and brushes her teeth and hair. It’s not like she’s covered in dirt. Rage building.

This weekend, she had a late soccer game. I dropped both kids off (late in fact, but that didn’t matter because it took three long, loud bangs on the door to get The Ex’s butt out of bed) on Saturday. Game at 1. Have her there by 12:30 please. What really happened: She arrived at 5 minutes till game time, no contacts in, no allergy pill given. So she’s not warmed up, playing half blind, and is sneezing regularly through the game. But he had his Starbucks. Screaming on the inside.

And last night was the cherry on top. After weeks of him dropping the kids off at 8:00 pm, unfed, just before bedtime, I asked him to please feed them before bringing them home, especially since Elle’s bedtime is 8:30. She was getting to bed too late and having trouble waking up in the morning. What really happened? Elle walks through the door last night and informs me she hasn’t had dinner. I step outside and, in a controlled, calm voice, ask “Um, why hasn’t she eaten?” I’m informed that they ate a really big lunch at 2:30 and an hour ago she supposedly wasn’t hungry. My brain exploded. I was so angry I couldn’t even think. Elle ended up going to bed around 10:30. Because my plan involved her being fed as requested, Nick putting her to bed, and me going to the grocery store before picking Zed up from basketball timekeeping and feeding him before his 10:00 bed time.

Why is this so hard? These are basic parental responsibilities. He doesn’t have to take her to many practices or games. He has to feed them dinner four times over fourteen days. Anyone have any advice on how to remind him that these are the basics he really should be able to handle?

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November 21, 2006

A Frustrated Little Girl

Filed under: Elle & Zed,Mom Life,The Ex Files — by InterstellarLass @ 11:24 am

Patience is not one of my virtues, so I don’t suppose I passed that gene on to either Elle or Zed. Along with pre-disposed impatience and today’s hurry-up attitude, instant gratification seems to be expected. So, I sort of have an attitude of “Think positive and hope for the best, but always be prepared to be disappointed.” My kids seem to sometimes leave that first bit out.

Elle still hasn’t received her glasses. I could have taken the damn things to LensMasters or EyeCrafters and gotten them in an hour or so. But, the doctor’s office that did Elle’s eye exam also has a lens shop, and so we used them. We expected 3-5 working days to get her glasses in. Including the day we went in for the exam (in the morning), today is now working day 8, and no glasses. Last Wednesday she started asking, and pouted when I said they hadn’t called. By Friday she was crying. She wants her glasses. Understandable. They’ve been hyped up to be wonderful and to solve several problems she’s been having, namely with reading and depth perception. I finally called yesterday after no communication from the doctor’s office. There was a defect with the frames in stock. So they ordered new frames. Lenses are at the ready.

Now, I could call and rant and complain, but I’m not actually paying for anything. My insurance covers the exam, lenses, frames, coatings, AND that special stuff that turns the lenses dark in the sunlight for ‘instant sunglasses’.

So, last night, again, she cried. I don’t know if she was already in a bad mood or what. But her after-school director said that she’d complimented Elle on her hair and was ignored. Another coach complimented her as we walked out the door, and Elle ignored him. I made her come back and say thank you. OK, say it again, without the sarcasm this time. Poor thing is frustrated, but she still must be gracious under fire. Then, last night over dinner, Nick was recounting how he used to get in trouble as a kid. Zed brought up an incident with The Ex, which Zed now refers to as ‘the worst day of his life’. He was four at the time. He’s now eleven. And this memory will be etched in his mind forever. My Ex is an asshole. While on the subject of bad memories, Zed also said he remembered when his dad left the first time, when he was five.

Then Elle piped up. A few weeks ago she was sad because The Ex had to work on one of the nights he’s supposed to take the kids to dinner. She asked me that night why her dad ever left. I told her she’d have to ask her dad, because mommy didn’t have an answer (that she needed to hear). Well, anyway, she said last night that she had asked her dad. His answer? Ask your mom. I was floored. He infuriates me with his refusal to step up and act like a parent. You can’t walk out on your kids and pass the buck and not offer them an answer. I realize you’re tired of them asking the questions, but they’re just a couple of kids, living with someone else’s choice for their life, and they deserve a response.

So, she was feeling down. And so while we waited in the car for Nick to get garbage bags from Target, we talked. I came up with all the wonderful things there are about her. And then Zed chimed in about all the things he likes about having her as a sister; things he’d miss if she wasn’t his sister. I’d say something, and Zed would say something, and we kept building on it. Eventually she was smiling again, and feeling good. She has a thousand wonderful things about her, and yet that sense of rejection from her dad pains her so much. I know the impact of it all too well from personal experience, and it kills me that she’s hurting over this.

Her teacher identified her for the mentoring program at her school. Students from the jr high, high school, former teachers and other volunteers serve as mentors for the elementary age kids. They get about 30 minutes of one-on-one time each week. The purpose is to build self-esteem. When I first heard about it, my first reaction was “My kid has plenty of self-esteem!”. But then I really thought about it. And I realized she’s like me. She puts on more of a front than she lets on. And so I signed her up for this program. It doesn’t cost anything, and she can learn something and benefit from it. And if this is something that can give her the confidence and self-esteem to be happy and healthy, then I’m all for it. I have high hopes for her. Like most parents and mothers, I don’t want my kid to repeat some of the mistakes I made.

August 1, 2006

Tuesday Stew

Filed under: Elle & Zed,Rants & Opinions,The Ex Files — by InterstellarLass @ 8:33 am

As I said last week, I think I’m going to have to make this a weekly topic. The Tuesday Stew. I may rant about one topic, or I may find a miriad of minutae that gets my goat.

They’re baaack: Elle and Zed I mean; aka Alien 1 and Alien 2. Yesterday morning their dad dropped them off. On the way home last night, we stopped at the store. This is where they turned into Aliens. We had been discussing dinner on the way to the store, and they were begging me to go to a restaurant. Evidently their dad “cooked” almost the entire month. I used the quotes because evidently he “cooked” pizza, corn dogs, tuna casserole, pasta with buttered noodles and the like. “Did he ever give you any vegetables?” I asked. That would be a no. But he did give them banannas. Well OK, that makes it all better. This from a guy who munches on rabbit food and works out excessively, and he’s feeding his kids junk. And after I’ve already asked him to work on having them eat better, especially since Zed gained at least 15 pounds after his dad moved out.

So, in the store, they’re picking up junk. Complaining about what I’m going to cook. And Elle Alien 1 is having a stomping, pouting, crying, “I don’t want to be your daughter”, “sell me in the garage sale”, hiding behind displays kind of temper tantrum. One lady who saw me swat her butt once already stopped me after the third such display of I-want-this-but-I-can’t-have-it” and said “Boy! She’s really pushing the envelope tonight isn’t she?” I responded politely “Well, they did just get home after a month with their father.” The woman’s response? “Ahhhh, I see.” No further explanation necessary.

Alien 2 did an about-face in the mouthing off department. He has a serious issue with constantly challenging my decisions, and before he left he had gotten so much better with keeping his mouth shut. Last night it was flappin’ in the wind. But, after a brief reminder from Nick on the merits of following directions and not talking back was sufficient.

We’ll see how tonight goes.

There is a special hell for these people. I must warn you that this story is disgusting and vileThese two will burn to extra-crispy. The mother has been sentenced to 40 years in prison. The father has been sentenced to five life sentences plus 96 years and is ineligible for parole. And personally, I don’t think it’s enough. These are their own children. And there are others who abuse children and are released back out into our neighborhoods. My Zip Code alone garnered 66 offenders. These people should not be allowed to roam our streets. I don’t believe that they can be rehabilitated. Period.

July 19, 2006

The Lost Suit

Filed under: The Ex Files — by InterstellarLass @ 12:34 pm

Elle and Zed spent Friday night with the Ex’s aunt. Then, we picked them up Saturday morning. Their clothes didn’t leave their suitcases. Hey, his month…his laundry. When she was getting ready for soccer, Elle pulled out her swim suit from her dad’s house, and showed it to me. Uh huh. That’s pretty. Now put it back so you don’t lose it.

Sunday…kids go back to their dad’s.

Monday…

Tuesday…

Ring Ring!

The Ex: Hello?
Me: Hey, I just wanted to remind you that Elle has soccer practice today at 6.
The Ex: OK. Oh hey. Did Elle leave her swim suit at your house? We can’t find it and they’re supposed to go to Mega Water Park tomorrow.
Me: Not that I know of. She showed it to me on Saturday, but put it right back in her suitcase.
The Ex: Well, we’ve looked all over my place and we can’t find it.
Me: Well, I’ll look when I get home, but we didn’t take anything out of the suitcase we didn’t put back in.

End Call.

Later, I got an email that due to the broiling temperatures, soccer practice was cancelled.

Ring Ring!
The Ex: Hello?
Me: Elle’s practice was cancelled.
The Ex: OK, thanks for letting me know.
Me: Did you find her swim suit?
The Ex: No, not yet.

End Call.

I called Nick on my way home.

Ring Ring!
Nick: Hey baby. What’s up?
Me: Oh hey, you’re home already. Would you look in Elle’s room for her swim suit? The Ex can’t find it.
Nick: Sure, no problem.

End Call.

I arrive home.

Nick: Hey darlin’.
Sound of smacking-knock-you-off-your-feet-welcome-home-kiss
Me: Feeling light-headed Well hello to you too. Did you find Elle’s suit?
Nick: Nope. Looked in her room and in the laundry. I didn’t see it.

Ring Ring!
The Ex: Hello?
Me: Hey, we looked for Elle’s suit but couldn’t find it.
The Ex: OK. Well, I forgot to look in her suitcase, but if I can’t find it, I’ll go to Wal-Mart and get her one.
Me: You didn’t even look in her suitcase after I mentioned twice that I saw it in there over the weekend?
The Ex: I forgot.
Me: Major sigh OK. Tell the kids I love them.

End Call.

He didn’t even look in the suitcase!

June 30, 2006

Trivia & Other Funny Stuff

Filed under: Memes & Quizzes,The Ex Files — by InterstellarLass @ 10:16 am

Trivia: I was tagged by Keb for this meme. So here goes. Now you have no excuses for not throwing me a fabulous party for my birthday this year.

Instructions:
1. Go to Wikipedia.
2. In the Search box, type your birth month and day (but not year).
3. List three events that happened on your birthday.
4. List two important birthdays and one interesting death.
5. One holiday or observance (if any).

1786 – Peter Leopold Joseph of Habsburg-Lorraine, Grand Duke of Tuscany, promulgates a penal reform making his country the first state to abolish the death penalty. November 30 is therefore commemorated by 300 cities around the world as Cities for Life Day.
1872 – The first-ever international football match takes place at Hamilton Crescent, Glasgow, between Scotland and England.
1954 – In Sylacauga, Alabama, United States, an 8.5 lb (3.4 kg) sulfide meteorite crashes through a roof and hits Mrs. Elizabeth Hodges in her living room after bouncing off her radio, giving her a bad bruise, in the only unequivocally known case of a human being hit by a space rock.

Births:
1667 – Jonathan Swift, Irish writer and satirist (d.1745)
1930 – G. Gordon Liddy, Watergate operative

Death:
1900 – Oscar Wilde, Irish writer (b. 1854)

Observance:
Official End of the Hurricane Season

Other Funny Stuff: I think I’ve speculated before as to Blondie’s (the Ex’s fiancée) age. I had originally guessed 23-25. Evidently, I gave her and him too much credit. You ready for this? The darling is 21. And just turned 21 in May. How do I know this? Let’s just say I know people who know people who know how to find stuff out. The Ex is 33. He’ll be 34 in September. I had to laugh. I knew his emotional maturity level was low, but I didn’t realize how low. I think I’m actually starting to feel sorry for him and his inability to act like a grown-up.

Nick overheard this conversation this morning while taking the kids to day-camp.

Zed: Blondie quit her job at dad’s work because they wouldn’t let her go to school to take her test.
Elle: Nuh uh Zed. She was fired because she couldn’t remember people’s drink orders.

I nearly peed myself when he called me. Now I don’t know what’s true, but, Zed will believe anything he’s told (including that Blondie is 31 like she told him). Elle on the other hand is like a wiretap in a room. You think she’s not listening, but she picks up everything. And she remembers everything. I don’t need a day planner. I have Elle.

June 14, 2006

*sigh*

Filed under: Elle & Zed,The Ex Files — by InterstellarLass @ 9:08 am

My Mavericks lost last night. Just by 2 though. Dirk didn’t show up for the game until the 2nd half, and they let Wade score 42. Let’s hope Thursday’s game is better. I want a Championship!

On Monday I saw my personal trainer. She worked the hell out of me and I still hurt bad. I’m sore all over, but just enough where it feels like I’m sick rather than sore.

Elle attempted to emotionally blackmail me on Monday night. After her bath, I was in her room, playing Mancala. She’s pretty good, and she beat me 2 games out of 3. I’m starting to pick up the strategy though, so I’ll be tougher in the end. Anyhooo…when we’d played our three games, it was time for bed. I hugged her, kissed her, told her that I loved her. She then proceeded to cling to me, and wouldn’t let go. Elle, I warned her, it’s time to go to bed. We’ve played, we’ve said our good-nights, now let go. She wouldn’t. She grabbed tighter and wouldn’t stop. I warned her again. Wouldn’t let go. Last time, I lightly swatted her behind and pulled my arm away from her. She proceed to pout and then said it.

Blondie is better than you.

Blondie being her dad’s fiance. I knew she said it to hurt and to make me feel guilty. Well, it did hurt, just to hear it come out of her mouth. Cut me deep. But I know she didn’t mean it. I just stood and looked at her and said I’m sorry you would say something so ugly to me and left her room.

I went back in later to tell her that I knew she didn’t mean it. She of course turned on the tears and was so sorry. I emphasized to her that saying things to hurt people’s feelings on purpose was a very bad thing and that I didn’t want her to do it again.

Then, last night, Elle told me that Zed told his dad that I’d said it was their dad’s fault they’d been sunburned so bad. Their dad’s response? “Well, we’ll just stay inside and read next time.” No accounting for his own responsibility, and turning it back on the kids and “punishing” them for his incompetence and saying “Well, if I can’t take you swimming without sunscreen then I’m not going to take you swimming at all.” What a buffoon. Can I scream now?

June 12, 2006

He’s at it again

Filed under: Elle & Zed,The Ex Files — by InterstellarLass @ 9:51 am

Being a brilliant father I mean. Yeah. As if not supervising his children and letting his dog chase our daughter wasn’t bad enough, I came home to this last night. I had a meeting with my relay team, so Nick was home to collect the kids from their dad. When I got home, Elle had just got out of the shower and Zed was just getting in.

They were burned. Not quite to a crisp, but damn close enough. I was LIVID. I called him to confirm that he let the kids be out in the pool all day with no sunscreen and he responded with “This is what you called me about?” Uh. YEAH. “They’re not burned that bad. They’ll live.” THEY’LL LIVE??? Well if that’s all he’s concerned about then he’s got it all covered. Oh, they lost a leg? They’ll live. Oh, their eye got poked out? They’ll live. Jeezus! You’re their father! You’re supposed to protect them and care for them and you allow this to happen??? MORON.

I want to kick his ass sooooo damn bad. Especially when Elle was crying because it burned and itched while I applied vinegar to her burns, followed by aloe gel, and a couple of Junior Motrin washed down for good measure. And this morning Zed complained that he couldn’t lift his arms because his shoulders hurt. What an ass of a father they have. The kids now know that they can’t swim without sunscreen. If they have to remind their father of this fact, it’ll be sad. But, at least they won’t be put in this kind of pain.

April 11, 2006

I Owe What?!?!?!?

Filed under: Rants & Opinions,The Ex Files — by InterstellarLass @ 9:41 am

I did my taxes last night. It was depressing. I got to file ‘single’ due to the D I V O R C E last year. The Ex got to claim Zed, and I got to claim Elle. Plus I got to claim the after-school care for Zed. Well, that didn’t really matter, because evidently I still underpaid.

See, the Ex-Butthead never made as much money as me. As of last year, he made about half of what I make. Therefore, he got a big refund this year – bigger than we ever got when we were married. And this year, I OWE. About five times what his refund was. How is this fair? He pays diddly for child support (because he’s a slacker) and that’s barely half of the cost of their after-school care and summer care for the year. Doesn’t include clothes, food, extra-curricular activities, and the like. And he gets the refund???

And I’m wondering how the wonderful Bush tax cuts have benefit me. The ‘single’ mom with the two kids. How is it that I’m paying out the wazzoo?

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