Interstellar Adventures

February 20, 2007

Love is a Coupon

Filed under: Funnies,It's Me, Lass — by InterstellarLass @ 6:38 pm

Dear InterstellarLass,

Thank you! Many people shop with us, but few are as loyal to you. We also know that you’ve secretly been considering a loyalty shift to Tom Thumb, as they offer airline miles for every dollar spent. And they have a fuel center at their store, so you can get airline miles AND 10 cents off every gallon after spending $100 in groceries. To bribe you into shopping with us show our appreciation, we’ve teamed up with some of your favorite brands to bring you extra BEST-CUSTOMER-ONLY savings on products you can use.

Blah Blah Blah.

President of the Kroger Southwest

Enclosed with the lovely letter above were indeed several coupons that made my heart skip with glee. $2.00 off $10.00 spent in the Meat Department! $3.00 off $15.00 spent in the Produce Department! $6.00 off $60.00 when you spend in one transaction*. Those were the biggies. There were also $9.10 in other coupons for products that I do buy. My heart sped up, my eyes brightened. I was jonesing for the flourescent lights and piped-in music. It’s not enough that I spent $101.15 Sunday night (and saved $22.55 – or 18% of my grocery bill – in Coupon, Bonus Coupon and Kroger Plus Savings).

No, they want more. And the clencher? They happen to be adding a Fuel Center at my very own Signature Kroger! Joy! Rapture! Glee! No more carefully calculated trips to my nearest Fuel Center (one block over and 8 lights up) that’s just slightly out of my way from my normal daily activities.

Boy, I sure do go cheap, don’t I. Throw me a convenient 10 cents off per gallon of gas and $18.10 in coupons, and I’m yours. You sure know me Kroger. I knew our love was strong.  

*Total excludes Alcohol, Tobacco Products, Fuel, Gift Cards, Taxes, Prescriptions, and Customer Care Center Services.


  1. I’m holding out for the store that will give me discounts and coupons on drugs and alcohol. It’s not pretty being easy, you know.

    Comment by vicki — February 20, 2007 @ 7:19 pm |Reply

  2. I am reminded of a line from Seinfeld, not surprisingly…

    “Now, see, the two of you need to work on trust. Then and only then will there be a free exchange of sex and discounts… cornerstones of a healthy relationship.”

    Comment by Bone — February 20, 2007 @ 9:29 pm |Reply

  3. Very nice! Threaten to change your loyalty and have them running scared. I need to try this!! Will those coupons actually apply to alcohol?? PA doesn’t sell booze in the grocery store. We’re still way too puritanical for that!

    Comment by carnealian — February 20, 2007 @ 9:54 pm |Reply

  4. We shop Sam’s Club.

    They don’t have no steenkin’ coupons.

    (maybe I should give Kroger a try?)

    Comment by ben — February 21, 2007 @ 7:56 am |Reply

  5. Sweet! We don’t have Kroger.

    Comment by Gypsy — February 21, 2007 @ 9:24 am |Reply

  6. Sweet! Of course they use the shoppers club systems to find out what you’re buying, but I say snoop on! Give me coupons for what I buy… since you know me so well!

    Comment by Marie — February 21, 2007 @ 9:46 am |Reply

  7. You are so funny, but this is so familiar. I am such a sucker for promotions and coupons and whatever else might fall under the category of “savings”. Brian gets mad because I’ll buy things I don’t normally use, just because they’re on sale.

    Comment by Jolynn — February 21, 2007 @ 12:31 pm |Reply

  8. But the airlines miles…

    I drink enough milk to get us to England and back.

    Comment by Nick — February 21, 2007 @ 1:57 pm |Reply

  9. I’d be putty in their hands! Do they have weirdo nights??

    Comment by AbbyNormal — February 21, 2007 @ 5:31 pm |Reply

  10. All righty, folks. This has been a paid endorsement post by your friendly Kroger! Be sure to check out our Buy One, Get One Free Specials on Friday…



    Comment by Laura — February 21, 2007 @ 8:09 pm |Reply

  11. […] product purchased, with $47 in savings, resulting in actual expenditures of $147. Go me! Those loyalty coupons were used […]

    Pingback by Not Running on All Cylinders « Interstellar Adventures — February 26, 2007 @ 8:22 am |Reply

  12. […] and my Kroger Fuel Center? It’ll be open next week. *Does happy dance* 10 cents off per gallon […]

    Pingback by Was it Saturday? Or no? Sunday? What day is it? « Interstellar Adventures — April 16, 2007 @ 11:24 am |Reply

  13. […] it back! Put it all back! Oh this is horrible. Terrible. No good. Very bad. You had me. I was your whore. We . were close. Bonded. But […]

    Pingback by Put it back! Put it all back! « Interstellar Adventures — September 24, 2007 @ 6:07 pm |Reply

  14. […] coupons in my coupon folder expired. And I hadn’t replenished in a while. I even let a whole gaggle of coupons go to waste from my near and dear grocery retailer, Then I got another mailer, and lo, there were more coupons! The last two weeks of coupons in the […]

    Pingback by Going for Principle, Bordering on Cheap « Interstellar Adventures — November 5, 2007 @ 10:54 am |Reply

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